The Leaning Edibility of Pizza

Although the month of February is known for its red and pink Hallmark cards and heart shaped Dove chocolates in recognition of Valentine's Day, February 9 goes year after year unappreciated and forgotten. February 9 is International Pizza Day. It is no surprise that not many are aware of this day, because honestly I don't think many people are aware of the entities of pizza in general. http://www.askoxford.com/languages/culturevulture/italy/pizza/

Point blank: In my opinion pizza has dramatically gone down hill within the past 5 years. If you were to order a large, pepperoni and cheese pizza from Papa Johns 5 years ago and compare it to one you might order 5 minutes from now, you might shocked. Despite the fact that the price has not fluctuated very much the quality has.

The Ingredient Breakdown:

• Cheese: I can recall when I would eat pizza and the cheese was stringy and delicious. The cheese on a pizza should be real and I'm pretty sure Papa has become a cheap bastard and is serving us clumps of stretchy, plastic coated, artificially flavored synthetic cheese. It's not real. Despite what they might want you to think;

According to Papa John, "Our signature, proprietary cheese is crafted from high-quality milk by one of America's finest cheese producers and is not available to any other pizza company. We pride ourselves on using cheese made with 100% mozzarella."

I would like to know what exactly is 100% mozzarella compared to 50% mozzarella. I find it hard to believe that the texture and taste of the cheese could change so dramatically over the past 5 years. I mean, is "America's finest cheese producers" really only catering to Papa John? And what qualifies them as the finest. I'm sure Pizza Hut and Little Caesars aren't promoting,"...our cheese is made by almost one of the finest cheese producers in America, but unfortunately Papa John beat us to it."

(Did I mention the grease factor that comes along with the plastic taste? It's astonishing. If I took a large pepperoni pizza and ran a steam roller over it I'm practically positive that I could fulfill the needs of the McDonald's deep fryer enabling them to serve another "billion customers".)

• Sauce: What happened? I have heard of sauce less pizza (Margherita Pizza), but isn't that something you have to specifically order? Apparently, not. I remember when Papa J. had the sauce to cheese ratio on lock down. Purely amazing. The only excuse I could come up with to justify Papa J's sauce-slacking routine is that perhaps America is in a tomato shortage and Papa John's is and has been suffering for quite some time.

• Crust: I can honestly say I am still satisfied with the crust at Papa John's. I feel safe in knowing that Papa still knows how to combine the correct quantities of flour, water, and yeast and bake it to perfection.

• Extras: It pains me to state that what once came as a free amenity with Papa John's crust is now available for an extra charge. This glorious amenity I am referring to is the Special Garlic Dipping Sauce. I find it very disturbing that they are now requiring you to pay for something they use to give out as part of there crust. That's what I always loved about papa john's crust. I think it appealed to customers with kids because they offered it as a side, so as giving the customers the choice to use it or not. If this Indian-giving scheme becomes a trend in fast food McDonald's will be charging extra to put the "Special Sauce" on your Big Mac. Please give us back our special sauce Papa J!

Despite my anger.... I honestly can not remember the last time I was able to enjoy a slice of pizza without having to take Maalox shortly after. I have a weak stomach, but honestly, after eating a slice of Papa J's pizza I can accurately associate the bubbling irritation taking place in my gut with the feeling of being beaten with a burlap sack full of door handles. But my complaint means nothing, and will forever continue to be ignored by chain pizza places. A single weak stomach doesn't account for very much in this pizza loving country.

Being a college student I know very well that pizza sells miraculously. It's edible whether it is hot, warm, cold, or frozen. It's still good the next morning directly out of the box. It's relatively inexpensive and you can always find someone willing to throw down a few bucks to help with the cost. Pizza places are so thoughtful they will even will personally deliver your pizza, so as no extra work for their beloved customer.

Those pizza joints are pretty nice guys; I mean they'll feed you an extra 300 calories* per slice and relieve you from having to do any movement whatsoever prior to inducing your body with such splendor, ----except for reaching into your wallet to pay for their delightfully delivered treat...and of course your special garlic sauce.

Don't worry, just by paying you are burning 2 whole calories. Damn. Pizza reigns no matter if it's good or bad in a college community.

*the 300 calorie count is for a single slice (1/8 of an order) of a 14" P.J's Cheese Pizza

*proprietary-i had to look this word up online. papa john is trying to outsmart me